Let's Talk About Social Norms

Hi friends! Happy Wednesday. It's Wednesday already? Ever since we turned our clocks back an hour and the days became shorter, time seems to be going much faster - does that make sense? I hope it makes sense because I didn't sleep well. We had two dogs here last night but that's not why I didn't sleep well, I was fretting over things that people had said about me and I know that's really dumb but sometimes that's what keeps us awake at night. I wish things didn't get to me so much. Oh, and the current state of the political landscape - but hey let's go into that another time because I need a break from that.

I thought we could talk about social norms in this blog because social norms are something that we kinda take for granted and I'll tell you a fun story about social norms, back in my undergrad days at university, we had a psychology homework task to "break" a social norm - so I just stood in a lift (elevator) facing the wrong way. No one really noticed BUT it did make me really uncomfortable. I kinda wish I chose something else, but anyway. It would be interesting to see someone walk the wrong way on escalators - I'm sure someone has done that.

If you do plan on breaking a social norm, please DO NOT break any laws and do not hurt any body. Okay thank you. I'd suggest doing something small, like humming at the dinner table OR wearing pyjamas to a formal event LOL OR eating dessert first at a restaurant.

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Let's Talk About Social Norms

So what is a social norm? According to Wikipedia, a social norm is "a shared standard of acceptable behavior by a group. Social norms can both be informal understandings that govern the behavior of members of a society, as well as be codified into rules and laws." Some examples of social norms are: greeting someone by shaking their hand, forming a line (queue) when waiting for something, not talking with your mouthful, maintaining a polite distance when talking to someone else, not interrupting others, offering help, and so on.

Social norms even go further than that though as we can look at things like laws, taboos, gender roles, dress codes, communication, and empathy. Social norms aren't always black and white. In contemporary society we also have a lot of new social norms with the rise of technology e.g., looking at your phone while waiting somewhere, not talking to random strangers, standing in a lift a certain way, the normalisation of stalking on social media (not IRL) etc.

Tene and Polonetsky (2013) say:

"The rapid evolution of digital technologies has hurled to the forefront of public and legal discourse dense social and ethical dilemmas that we have hardly begun to map and understand. In the near past, general community norms helped guide a clear sense of ethical boundaries with respect to privacy. One does not peek into the window of a house even if it is left open. One does not hire a private detective to investigate a casual date or the social life of a prospective employee. Yet with technological innovation rapidly driving new models for business and inviting new types of personal socialization, we often have nothing more than a fleeting intuition as to what is right or wrong. Our intuition may suggest that it is responsible to investigate the driving record of the nanny who drives our child to school, since such tools are now readily available."

I do have to say that plenty of people DO actually stare into our windows - and I get it, we're curious people, we want to know how other people live, what things they have, are they better off but it does become problematic when boundaries do get crossed on social media. I like to assume that no one is stalking my personal social media profiles BUT my public ones, go for it. In reality, I know that's not the case.

There's even social norms in different groups - the best example I can think of right now is getting to university and being kinda pressured into drinking - especially in Australia and NZ. Or if you're going out to a bar, there's even this self pressure to have a drink if everyone else is because you don't wanna be the odd one out OR end up being the sober driver. And it's okay not to drink, but in some cases people don't feel that way because of the social norms of that group. Social norms are also different in different cultures - when I first came to Melbourne I wasn't aware that I was supposed to stick to the left on the escalators so I got in the way but now I know. This is so that people who need to get somewhere quickly can walk up and get past you. BUT, in NZ this isn't the case - everyone just kinda stands wherever they want on the escalators and it's not likely that someone ever wants to get past you quickly, it does happen but not very often. I guess NZ is maybe a bit slower and not always in a rush but it's just an interesting difference.

Even during the pandemic, we had new social norms that a lot of us weren't used to - wearing masks, social distancing, lockdowns, it was a new normal and it sucked because people are inherently social creatures but we did what we had to do (Buckholtz & Marois, 2012). People often get punished if they don't follow social norms - i.e., fines, going to jail, it all ties into crime here and that's so scary honestly BUT also we have to maintain a functional society.

We even have social norms in digital spaces - most commonly known as "digital norms". These digital norms will most likely (or are most likely) facilitating the future of societal interaction. Some examples including: NOT sharing misinformation - although this is likely changing with whose in power currently, being clear and concise, not using emoticons on Reddit, using emoticons to help express tone elsewhere, don't post too much, where to use hashtags - I really could go on and on here.

Anyway, I was inspired to write this post today because I saw an article somewhere about people talking about social norms that seem ridiculous and I want to talk about those specifically. Here are some examples of those:

• Posting your entire life online - This one doesn't really get to me too much because I make content. Sometimes I make vlogs but I don't put every single detail out there. However, I am a very open book and I think people can share what they wanna share.

• That people think crossing one's arms means they're uncomfortable or closed off - This one definitely annoys me because sometimes it's just more comfortable to sit that way, I do it if I have a sore tummy #justibsthings but from a psychology perspective, it makes sense why someone thinks you might be closed off. I don't think there's a way of winning this one LOL.

• Having to be avaliable 24/7 with the rise of smartphones - Yep, I hate this one too. I love putting my phone down and forgetting about it. I hate answering my phone, I hate calls. Just text me and I'll get back to you as soon as I can AND I am pretty good at replying. I don't like when someone sends you a message and if you don't immediately reply, they message you again. Like you don't have control of my time, you gotta respect that.

• Buying cards for every occasion - It just feels like a waste.

• How we can't honestly say how we are - the expectation that we always have to say "I'm good" - because we can't burden someone with our actual issues - Oh gosh, I sound SOO judgemental. I don't mean to be, I just wish it was okay to share how we are actually feeling, especially in a mental health crisis.

• How expensive funerals are - Damn, it costs that much to die. Better become immortal quick smart (I'm kidding).

• When people expect you to STILL get along with people who are absolutely awful to you.

• Not feeding kids for free at school - all children deserve to eat.

• It's not so common anymore but women being expected to shave and men not having to shave anything. It's dumb, it's just hair, who cares. Do what you want with your body!

• Hugging someone when they don't want a hug - consent is so important.

• Not being able to swear on TV or radio - come on man, sometimes they add value to what someone is saying.

• Misogyny in general - and hegemonic masculinity - I know that's how society is structured, especially in Western countries but come on!!

• And finally, I think we should all be able to do stuff alone like go to restaurants, go to the movies, take ourselves on dates. It's not that weird. It might be uncomfortable, but it's good for us for sure.

Does the rise of technology such as computers and smartphones allow us to be socially connected without actually having to practice any social skills? What does that say about our society if that's the case?

What's a social norm that you find ridiculous? Let me know in the comments below!!

Thanks for reading,

Ash xx

References

• Buckholtz, J. W., & Marois, R. (2012). The roots of modern justice: cognitive and neural foundations of social norms and their enforcement. Nature neuroscience, 15(5), 655-661.

• Rost, K., Stahel, L., & Frey, B. S. (2016). Digital social norm enforcement: Online firestorms in social media. PLoS one, 11(6), e0155923.

• Squillaro, J. (2021). Digital Norms and Their Place in a Tech-Based Future. Penn Journal of Philosophy, Politics & Economics, 16(1).

• Taylor‐Wesselink, K., & Teulon, F. (2022). The interaction and influence of digital and non‐digital structures, cultures and social norms on entrepreneurship. Canadian Journal of Administrative Sciences/Revue Canadienne des Sciences de l'Administration, 39(3), 244-258.

• Tene, O., & Polonetsky, J. (2013). A theory of creepy: technology, privacy and shifting social norms. Yale JL & Tech., 16, 59.

• https://bitly.com/blog/rules-for-social-media/

• https://www.weforum.org/stories/2017/06/heres-how-smart-devices-are-reprogramming-your-life/

• https://www.makeuseof.com/social-norms-technology-created/

• https://thejembe.com/the-dynamic-intersection-of-technology-and-trends-on-shaping-cultural-norms-around-the-world/