Hi friends! How are you going? For this blog post, I thought we could take a look at my personal experience with meditation and mindfulness. I think I'm kinda lacking in the self care department lately so why not start off by talking about my past experiences?
This post started with structure and then it turned into a stream of consciousness style so I hope ya'll don't mind.
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My Experience with Meditation and Mindfulness
It wasn't until 2021 when I started to get into meditation. Well, that's kind of a lie - I did try two times before then - once when I was a little kid and my friend was trying to teach me and I absolutely could not sit still and another time in like 2016/2017 when I was trying out the headspace app but it just wasn't for me. But back to 2021 - it was the time when I really fell in love with meditation and mindfulness in a whole new way. I first started doing meditation on my own, trying just to focus on my breathing and honestly, one of the first times I did it, I had an out of body experience - it was like floating on a soft fluffy cloud - like you'd been lifted off of the ground and taken on a gentle ride. That feeling has been VERY hard to replicate ever since. Apparently, it's beginner's luck.
Anyway, in 2021 I meditated almost every night. I started on Saturday afternoons sitting on my bedroom floor and then eventually as I struggled to maintain doing nothing, I switched over to guided meditations on YouTube. There is A LOT over on YouTube, it's SUCH a good source for material like that. I ended up doing ones like astral projection - which is quite complicated but I usually just imagined myself going on an adventure into space or something. I don't know if my soul actually left my body and there was a few times where I just fell asleep but I really enjoyed this type of meditation.
My favourite astral projections are below:
I also tried a few other types of guided meditations like sleep ones, ones for the nervous system but the ones I seemed to get the most out of were the astral projection ones and no, I'm not some New Age crazy person, but after researching so much on New Age for my masters thesis, I really found a new appreciation for things like meditation and mindfulness. And then, things started happening for me, people who weren't meant to be in my life were gone, new people showed up, I was good at what I was doing - like really good. My thesis got a good grade, I was happy, my IBS symptoms were as low as they'd ever been, and I was less anxious overall. It really felt like miracles were happening and I was on the right path.
I also found that after a meditation, when my body came back to reality, I would either be really hungry or really thirsty which I thought was interesting. There's not much for this point, just that it happened. I was probably just dehydrated and my body was mistaking it for hunger.
And then, I kinda stopped meditating. I don't know why. It might have been because I started to get into the depresso espresso mood but I just stopped and then things stopped happening for me, like lots of bad things happened and I started feeling lost again. I don't know if it's causautaion or correlation or both. But eventually I moved on.
I would also do lots of things for mindfulness like Self Care Sundays where I would have a bubble bath, get my favourite face masks, and just relax in a fluffy robe for the afternoon. Nature walks were a big part of mindfulness for me, especially when I lived in CHCH because I was always so close to some sort of nature. Also, getting magazines I wanted to read like the wellbeing ones was always fun - except until when I read articles about anti-vaxxers and that was a big turn off for me.
I can't remember when it was but I did eventually start meditating again. But one night, I think because I was feeling down before doing a meditation, I started to feel really off and saw scary things - which had never happened before. It was kinda like having a nightmare/sleep paralysis - I really don't know how to describe it and this is going to sound so funny, but what I saw looked like what people describe as Mothman. So I did some research and meditation can be good and bad but often, if you have anxiety, it can heighten certain anxieties and sometimes cause negative effects. I didn't let this stop me though, I just decided that I wouldn't force myself to meditate every day. I would just do it as I felt like it and so the meditation started again and I didn't have another negative experience until 2024.
I want to just say here that when I made the decision to move to Melbourne, I literally had no idea what was going to happen. I think I made a few wrong decisions at the start and I really feel conflicted about a lot of things that went on - like does my whole family hate me now? I definitely have a lot of regrets but I'm glad I am where I am now. Anyway, that's besides the point. I did make the move and things eventually worked out for me - I got upgraded to premium economy, I got a job eventually, I did find somewhere to live - it was super bad for my health but I had a roof over my head. And then I went on a lot of bad dates, like men are so weird? And finally met Luke when I wasn't looking HAHA. Then I had a lot of battles with my health as you know, this is just a random tangent really and left corporate to work on a full time freelance career - which is great and I wanna thank Luke for all his support throughout this journey. Living with IBS sometimes is just awful. This paragraph feels like the too long didn't read of the past 3 years (TLDR).
Luke and I ended up moving in together about 8 or 9 months into our relationship and I saw this flat that was so beautiful and I was like "ok, I'm gonna manifest that we get it" and literally the next day we got it so I think manifestation can really work. Although, the owners did decide to move back in and we had to do that thing of finding a new rental BUT we were so lucky again because the first house we applied for, we got and we were allowed pets, so we got Benji woo! It felt like the universe was looking out for us. I also think I did a lot of manifesting for a corgi because that's something I've wanted for a long time. Getting Benji was the best decision we made and he picked us. When we went to meet the puppers, he came straight to me and stayed with me the whole time. I know there are lots of manifesting techniques out there, but I think the trick is to feel like you already have what it is you want and also writing things down (physically).
Anyway, the start of 2024, I was talking to my doctor about stuff and she suggested to get a psychologist to help treat IBS specifically, which was good so I did that and he suggested to keep doing the meditations that I liked but also try the leaves on a stream meditation which I'll post below:
The one my psychologist sent me (not the vid above), I didn't vibe with so I ended up finding my own and I do still struggle with this one but I think I don't do it enough, honestly. It is a good meditation, but I also like guided meditations that focus on resetting your nervous system (idk, maybe that's just an IBS thing). I'll put an example below:
In 2024, I remember I started the year off really strong meditating every day and then one random night, I did a sleep meditation and I fell asleep so I don't actually know what I saw and I woke up like I'd just had a scary dream. I was shaking. Benji was on the bed and Luke was downstairs doing something (idk?) but I woke up freaking out. Benji didn't seem to notice but I felt so weird. I spoke to my psychologist about it but we didn't think it was worth exploring as there was no way for me to figure out what I did see. I think I've had one other bad experience like this so again, I just try and meditate when I'm feeling good or level headed. If I am in a really bad headspace, I don't bother. I think that's why I wanted to change my 2025 goal to do daily mindfulness and have it be a range of things.
At the moment, for 2025, the mindfulness that I am doing is journalling, thought diaries, daily walks, sometime gratitude lists, and meditations. I want to expand this list but I don't know yet - maybe it could be something as simple as mindful eating or mindful sipping a cup of coffee. Anything is possible. Even just writing my blog can be mindful sometimes because I get into such a trance when I write.
So the pros of meditation and mindfulness for me are
Getting to have out of body experiences (not often, but sometimes), like going on a lil space adventure OR even just an adventure to the roof of your house sorta thing.
Lower IBS symptoms
Feeling more confident
Less anxiety/panic attacks (the longest without one is about 6 months)
Feeling more present
Good things happen more often (or I'm more aware of them)
I have something to write about in my blog
Better sleep
Less likely to get sick
More self awareness
Higher emotional intelligence (dw, I hate people on the bachelor who talk about this)
Better mental health overall
And the cons
If I am in a bad headspace, the meditation doesn't always work
Weird hunger/thirst after a long session
Not being able to sit still to do the meditation sometimes
Scary experiences in certain cases.
So there you have it, my experiences with meditation and mindfulness.
Here are a few phone apps that can help meditation/mindfulness too (not sponsored, just my opinion and ALL android-based)
Also, quick disclaimer here - I am not a mental health professional, just an advocate so don't take medical advice from me. See a professional before partaking in guided meditations. And if you have a negative effect, just stop.
As I already said, for 2025 I am going to focus more on daily mindfulness so maybe at the end of the year I can write about that in here too.
Thanks for reading!
If you made it this far, comment below your favourite type of mindfulness/meditation!
Much love,
Ash xo
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