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Day 67 of "Figuring it Out" - My Very First Vlog + Overcoming Anxiety

Updated: 2 days ago

Kia Ora! Happy Monday! Melbourne weather is SOOOO humid today but quite overcast outside so I'm not sure if it's going to rain this afternoon or if it's warm enough for a thunder and lightning storm but it feels like that part of summer where you just want to nap all the time (or is that just me?) and yes I know it's not quite summer yet (what's with all these keyboard warriors coming at me for talking about summer before summer - if it feels like summer I'm gonna say summer haha). Healthwise today, I woke up quite dizzy but I had some packages coming (some xmas presents and birthday gifts for me) so I managed to get up kinda early, but Luke still answered the door anyway and we had some breakfast and we got our morning coffees. At this point, sometimes I just drink coffee so that I can go to the bathroom (ew, TMI) but it can be helpful in that department. It's also so weird because it's either really good for your IBS or really bad and it'll depend on the dietician you get and which way they lean towards coffee. I'm still feeling a bit dizzy (and it's now 2pm) but I did manage to do a 40 minute walk before lunch today and I went by myself so that was really good. And I'm so glad I got the walk in because I saw some galahs, a grey butcherbird, and a few red-rumped parrots (which you don't always see in this neighbourhood in the middle of the day, so that was cool). I also really wanted to go for the walk because my anxiety had gone into flight mode and I just wanted to relax, and seeing all the birds out and about really helped!




Also, remember that time, in my "30 things I want to do before I'm 30" blog post, I talked about starting a YouTube channel, well today, I finally posted my VERY first vlog - I'll post it below. YouTube has been something I've always wanted to do ever since I was 15 AND I actually made a video with the laptop and webcam then but I just couldn't handle the criticism back then BUT now I'm much older and wiser and a little more used to criticism but also please be nice if you watch it and think something isn't as good as it can be. This is my very first vlog and I know it's not perfect in any way, but I'm really proud of actually putting something out there and ticking something off my goals list that I've always wanted to do. My aim for this YouTube channel is really to help me figure out what my purpose is in life and I definitely think it's something creative, as I've kept up with this blog for quite a while (even when I'm unwell) so I really hope I can keep at the vlogging and what not. I'm not going to pick a "niche" right now because I don't want to limit myself at the moment but I want to make a range of videos, from vlogging my everyday life, my IBS struggles, things to do in Melbourne, cooking/baking, and then more things like sociology e.g., sociology of sex and gender, basic sociology concepts, creepy things, unsolved mysteries. And yes, I know it's such a saturated market but I really hope something comes of this for me! Honestly, I'd be happy if I got one view or one like or one positive comment. I'm hoping I can also entertain, be vulnerable, help others, and inspire others to help find themselves too. Anyway, I'm very proud so I hope you enjoy the video!



Did you watch the video? What did you think? I know, some things for me to already improve on are looking at the camera better, filming in multiple shots to make editing easier, camera confidence, more jokes, and being a bit more straight to the point. I definitely want to keep writing and making my guided meditations as well, but let's keep experimenting and see what works for me, what does well, what doesn't do well, and what you as the audience enjoy.


I also wanted to talk a bit about overcoming anxiety in today's blog post and don't get me wrong, I still struggle with anxiety on a daily basis but I can talk about what's helped me and what things I will continue to do to help limit my anxiety. But let's me real for a second, anxiety shows up in the most f*cked up ways, like going to the supermarket or picking up a prescription (and these things literally have no weight making you feel anxious because like they're normal every day things) but sometimes they make me anxious and I avoid doing them until someone can come with me or to the very last minute, but I'm slowly getting better at it. I also used to struggle with panic attacks (back in New Zealand) on a daily basis and I still have them occasionally, but moving to Melbourne really helped limit them and I don't know why, but I guess a new environment can really do you wonders. They were so bad at times that I needed medication and I'm pretty sure I've talked about that before. It's also always daunting telling a new person in your life about them because you don't know whether or not they'll react in a supportive way or if they'll react by being like "I don't want that in my life" so for a very very long time, I kept my mental health a secret from anyone, but I think I've come a long way about being open about it and I really think that's helped me a lot. I wanted to make a bullet point list of all the things that I've tried and what ones have helped improve my mental health overall, especially this year (2023) in general. Let me know if you've also tried anything below and what worked for you and what didn't.


  • Regular meditation - guided meditation has mostly (99% of the time) done wonders for relaxing my mind and lessening anxiety.

  • Counselling - talking therapy is good but I've never found the right therapist style for who I am so this one is on the backbone for me atm.

  • Travelling (like the rich person's dream), I just feel so at peace when I travel, especially on road trips. I don't know whether it's because I get to do photography or spend time in nature or what.

  • Long showers and long self-care baths.

  • Self-care journals + journalling.

  • Writing a blog (and I think Luke was the first one to point this out to me).

  • Talking to my friends about how I'm doing.

  • Leaving toxic environments (e.g., workplaces).

  • Baking more.

  • Spending more time in nature.

  • Trying to make a positive contribution online to help others and writing in general.

  • Going to be at the same time each day (usually before 10pm for me most nights).

  • Creating cute Canva designs and writing daily affirmations on them.

  • Learning about local wildlife and birdlife.

  • Watching the sunsets.

  • Going out to eat (idk why this is so therapeutic for me) and tbh, it's just as expensive as going to the grocery store).

  • Making charcuterie boards.

  • Gardening.

  • Swimming.

  • Writing yearly goals list and sticking to them.

  • Watching YouTube (so random).

  • Coming up with new ideas to write about + research in general (maybe I'll do a PhD one day, I just don't know if I have it in me, the masters was enough).

  • Long-exposure photography, especially in places where you really have to be in the moment so it could be star-gazing (your phone will be way too cold to look at and won't have any reception) or just watching the sunset.

  • Putting your phone down in a random place and then forgetting about it.

  • Video games (I've been playing a bit of Nintendo Switch Sports) and I'm glad I'm pre good at badminton still.

  • Alone time.

  • Making videos.

  • Making healthy berry and dragon fruit smoothies.

  • Poaching eggs (99% of the time when I don't screw it up).

  • Walking.

  • Limiting caffeine to every second day.


I'm sure there are more than just this list but as someone who struggled with really really bad anxiety, OCD, and panic attacks, I'm so grateful and extremely proud of myself for how far I've come since I was 21 to now (28). Obviously, my physical health isn't amazing still but I'm definitely working on it and I know I've got a long road of recovery ahead of me in that department but we'll get there. A chronic condition like IBS really sucks but we do what we can and we stay positive where we can.


For today's question, I want to know what's one thing you overcame/did that you thought you never would? Let me know in the comments below. For me, it's all of the above stuff, learning to drive manual, and also moving countries (that sh*t is scary).


But that's all for today's daily blog post! I hope you enjoyed reading this and we'll see you again tomorrow! Thank you so much for reading this post and watching my very first vlog. I'd love it if you subscribed. Once I've got a bit more structure, I'll pick some upload days but for now, I'm just experimenting lol.


TTFN! Ka kite, Much love,

Ash xx


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Convidado:
24 de nov. de 2023
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Probably feeling comfortable talking to people about how I'm feeling. I'm still not the best at it but I'm a lot more open than I used to be.

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