De-influencing you as a woman in her 30s

Hi friends! I recently made a couple of Instagram posts jumping on the "de-influencing" trend, so I thought I'd expand on that here for ya'll to read.

In Vogue (2025), environmentalist Isaias Hernadez says, "Deinfluencing is a rapidly growing social media trend that purports to 'educate the general public on the need to divest away from obtaining or upholding an excess of products that are not needed in [our] daily lives."

It's a bit of an ironic trend considering the creators are still "influencing" their audience, just in a new way - it's a shift away from hyper-consumerism into more of a "be happy with what you've got sorta thing" and highlights how online shopping has taken on a somewhat of a dystopian aspect, with influencers misrepresenting the products they use or enhancing them without our awareness.

This blog post discusses my take on de-influencing (idk if I got it right, but I thought it was fun).

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De-influencing you as a woman in her 30s

• Career goals look different for me than they used to (as someone with chronic illness). Luke is definitely the breadwinner, BUT I still pay my fair share. 9-5/corporate doesn't work for me anymore, but self-employment does. I run my two blogs (ashecakes & eatswithash), do freelance photography & writing, and pick up surveys/user-testing when able.

• My partner and I RENT our house. Yes, we hope to buy one day, but right now that's not realistic for us. People's timelines are different, and that's okay.

• I don't want kids, and I don't know if I ever will. Not every single "female" body/woman has to reproduce. Sometimes, I think that there's something wrong with me for not having the desire to have children, but then I remember that there's a correlation between highly educated women and not having children, and it makes me feel better. Also, who wants to bring kids up in this world?

• You don't have to get married. A lot of the time, de facto relationships have 99% of the same rights as a married couple. Also, f*ck the "nuclear" family. Who cares? Family is whatever family looks like to you. It doesn't have to be made up of blood relatives.

• Simple skin care routines are better. All you need is a cleanser, toner, and SPF, really. I use a couple more things, but not heaps. If you only want to use one product, then make sure it's sunscreen.

• As a photographer who uses Canon products/gear, some of their STM "budget-lenses" are REALLY good. You don't always have to have the latest and greatest. Obviously, now I've upgraded, but I did a lot with the Canon 1100D back in the day. Now I use a Canon R6. I have a few USM "professional" lenses, which I like, but I still find myself using the STM lenses more.

• Outfit repeating is NORMAL! It's not necessary to buy a new outfit for every single event you go to.

• If buying yourself a little coffee every day brings you joy, then do it.

• You don't have to have it all figured out. News flash - no one does.

• Some advice from my mum that has always stuck with me is "the best camera is the one you have with you". It doesn't matter if you only have your phone; take a photo if you want to take a photo, use what you have available.

• Travel is great!! This year is going to be my first "big" overseas trip to Vancouver, Canada. I'm very excited, but also nervous about the flight. You can learn SO much from overseas travel, BUT you can also learn so much from your own backyard. I LOVED all my NZ roadies (both solo & with others), as well as all the fun road trips around Aus I've done.

• Birding is great for your nervous system. I don't know why people seem to only be saying that now. I feel like neuroscience has known this for a long time.

• You can be vegetarian/vegan and still occasionally eat meat/dairy. The point is to reduce consumption. You don't have to limit yourself in the moment if you find that's what you want.

• You don't have to get your nails done, or your eyebrows done, or get a fake tan, etc. It's possible to do these things yourself with a bit of practice, and it's much cheaper, that is, if you want to. You don't have to do any of these things unless you want to. I HATE being touched by random people. The last time I had my nails done professionally was in 2019. I do my own eyebrows, and people always compliment me, so why change?! The one thing I do allow myself is my haircuts and hair colour because I am not doing that myself.

• It's okay to do things alone. Go to the movies alone, go out for dinner alone, get a coffee alone, go to an event alone. It's also really good for you to spend time with yourself.

• It's okay if you don't have heaps of friends. It's more important to maintain and cherish the relationships you already have. Obviously, making new friends as you age is cool, but you don't need heaps of friends to feel a sense of community.

• The path you're on is your own. It doesn't have to make sense to others. It just has to feel right to you.

• Starting over doesn't equal failure. It makes you human. Start over as many times as you need.

• It's okay not to text back straight away. Put your phone down and forget about it for a few hours. If there's an emergency, you'll know about it.

• Learning something new is a good thing. Never stop learning. You can learn anything - from just reading fun facts to learning a new skill. Just never stop. Knowledge is power.

• Uncertainty and existentialism are normal feelings to have - I wish I could tell that to my 24-year-old self.

Thank you for reading!!

Ash x