Just Some Thoughts + Health Updates

Ash
2 minutes ago
9 min read

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Hi friends! It's been a long time since I've done a daily stream of consciousness style blog, but here we are. I have been writing more over on Substack with regard to health stuff. You can check that out "here". However, I'm not the best at keeping up with Substack. I do tend to prefer my blogging platforms as I like the layout and how user-friendly they are. Anyway, I thought that I could do a daily blog plus give you some updates on what's going on with my health situation - apparently, I am a "work-in-progress" according to my GP, haha (that's a good thing). Hope you enjoy this post.

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Just Some Thoughts + Health Updates

It's currently 9:58 AM on Wednesday morning. I made myself French Toast with banana for breakfast today. It was okay, not the best, but pretty good for someone who hasn't made French Toast in like 5 years. I used Sourdough Bread because that's all we had, but I think next time I want to try brioche because it's much thicker and more likely to soak up the egg mixture better. Anyway, it gave me the idea to have an at-home high tea date on the weekend with my partner, so keep an eye out on my YouTube channel or Instagram if I actually get around to it LOL. I miss cooking and baking so much, and I am sad that my POTS symptoms mean I have to pace myself and can't cook as much. Food gives me so much joy, and my partner Luke likes to say, "Food is for fuel and for funsies", and one of my aunts back in New Zealand always said, "If you can't enjoy food, what's the point?" I don't know if I got her quote right, but that's the gist of it. So far this week, I have done pretty well with cooking - I've been making overnight oats for breakfasts (a couple of days I did a strawberry chia pudding one, and other days I do a chocolate cocoa one), and I've cooked twice this week already. I made chicken wraps one night, and last night I did vegetarian Quesadillas. I love Mexican food, I just don't trust Luke to make it as well as me (haha, sorry Luke!). I'm doing easier meals than what I would normally do to help with energy fatigue.

One of the books I recently finished was "Yes Please" by Amy Poehler, and we all know I love Parks and Rec; it's my comfort show, so I had to give her book a go. It was very in your face and read quite intensely, but something stuck out to me, and that was her chapter about time travel. Not time travel in the multi-verse quantum physics way, but time travel in the way that you might be in a room full of people you don't know, and one person in that room might become a really important person in your life. The example Amy Poehler used was one night she was doing a show (or part of a show) and in the audience was Seth Meyers, and the two hadn't met yet, but years later they would do Weekend Update together on SNL and become really great friends. When they talk or write about each other, you can feel the love they had (platonic, of course, although there have been rumours - I'm sorry!). The point of this "time travel" concept is that you might walk past someone in the most random place, not know it, and then later on become really good friends or something like that. You never know who you're going to meet, so just being open to talking to people is what I took away from that. And I love that Amy Poehler always tells her friends she loves them - no matter their gender. Platonic love is just as important as romantic love.

Speaking of time travel, I talked about this in my "April 2026 Life Updates" and one of my weekly newsletters, but the weirdest thing happened to me LOL. I was sitting on the couch looking at my phone calendar to organise the week, and I saw an event on the 22nd of April that said "Train to Lyttleton" at 7 AM from Ōtautahi, Christchurch, and I asked myself, "What the f*ck is this?" There is NO train to Lyttleton - there is only a bus, and most people drive to get there. I'm also like "huh, I don't live in CHCH anymore?" I thought, hmm, maybe I've been hacked or a social media app has added this to my calendar, so I checked, and NOPE, it was me. My next thought was maybe I just did it in my sleep. I've often used my phone in my sleep and written stuff, but it's usually in gibberish, and I have a vague memory of it. No memory of this, but Occam's Razor suggests that would be the MOST likely explanation. I was struggling to comprehend how this was possible, and then I was kinda like, "Oh no, what if a version of me from a parallel reality put this in their phone, and it came through to mine?" And in that universe, there's a train to Lyttleton. Anyway, that's an idea for a book that I have, but that's as far as I've got, so please don't steal my idea. I am copyrighting it now!!!

Phone screen showing an April calendar with color-coded events. April 22 has health insurance and a train to Lyttelton scheduled. — My Parallel Realty (LOL)

The idea of time travel and multi-universe theories in the realm of quantum physics is interesting, but I definitely struggle to get my head around them. Further to this, I also want to talk about "reality" because multiple realities can all be true at once, and that's from a sociological perspective (specifically, a social constructionist perspective). We all create our own realities, and that's what our world is. If an event happened, and let's just say it was a bad event, like someone getting robbed, and two witnesses had different stories - it's not to say that one is wrong, it's just that they have different realities. Yes, I know eye witness testimony isn't always accurate, but that's not the point here. My therapist also explained this really well, I think he said something like "two realities can be true at once, it doesn't mean one person's is wrong, it just means they co-exist". I hope I am doing justice in explaining this, otherwise I think my masters supervisors will be annoyed, LOL. I don't even know if they would read my blog. Anyway, I am proud of my blog.

Let's move on now before our heads explode....

Health Updates!

As many of you know, I've been struggling with some unknown health stuff. I have seen specialist after specialist, and I am very tired. I've also been put in with a POTS exercise physiologist (EP for short). I've been saying physio even though she's not a proper physio. I've had 6 appointments with her, and I have 2 left. She's an odd woman and has said some strange things to me, like "you're overweight, you must binge-eat", "are you sure you don't emotionally eat?" "Are you malnourished?" and so on. She also made a DV joke when I was explaining the pressure I get in my face, which was just not okay. She also told me that I must get my cholesterol checked because I'm overweight, and that my slipped disc in my back was caused by anxiety. Clearly, I don't have an ED. I enjoy food and don't overeat, and only eat when hungry and stop when full. Anyway, that's the bad stuff. Some of it has been helpful, and I have been picking and choosing what works for me with her advice (my GP said she was happy for me to do this).

The reason I am laying this out here is that I had a GP appointment the other day, and my normal GP has gone on maternity leave, so I went back to a different GP - one I had seen before, and I was very nervous. I went to get my Medicare referral for my psychologist, and because I had just done my iron and B12 blood test the week before. Anyway, the GP was very helpful. My iron and B12 levels are remaining steady, and we talked about what's going on with my blood markers and POTS stuff. I also told her what the EP had been saying, and she was like, "You do not have to go back". She also gave me some other options, but I feel like with only 2 appointments to go, I might as well finish the programme. If I want to, I can go to a different dysautonomia clinic and go see a cardiologist rather than waiting till December to see the POTS specialist.

All of this must sound so weird out of context, but the other specialists I saw were a haematologist (for my high platelets, high red blood cells, high white blood cells, and high CRP) and a gastroenterologist for inflammation in my stool. My scopes (gastroscopy and colonoscopy) were clear, so we don't think it's IBD (just still IBS), and my GP gave me the letter from the haematologist, which was really helpful and way clearer than what he told me. So basically, there's no mutated gene that they can find, but once my platelets get to a certain number, then we do a biopsy to see if I have triple-negative ET, so yeah, still watch and wait in that area. The blood markers are still high, and I have some symptoms of ET. The GP was looking at the inflammation markers and thinks it's worth going to a rheumatologist as well to check for inflammatory autoimmune things like lupus (even though there's no ANAs detected specifically). Before this, I have to organise another GP appointment where she will do a travel consult for our upcoming Canada trip, and do the POTS test herself. and organise a rheumatology appointment for me. She ended the appointment with "you're a work in progress, but we will get some answers", so it's good to know that she believes something is wrong. It will be interesting to see if there's an autoimmune condition that is causing the POTS symptoms. Oh, she also gave me a free flu shot because I asked for one, and she was like "f*ck it, the government can pay for it". I really like how thorough the doctors are here in Melbourne. My ones back in New Zealand used to just be like "meh, don't worry about it, you're healthy" when I would bring up concerns like getting dizzy after a shower. Basically, something is wrong; we just don't know what, but whatever it is, it's likely the root cause of all my problems right now (POTS, CFS, IBS & I wouldn't be surprised if MCAS was in there). Dysautonomia doesn't explain the whacky blood markers - those are the more concerning area.

Some Final Thoughts!

A few other things that have been happening are that we went to the Abbotsford Convent on Saturday for lunch. I had a ham, cheese, and tomato croissant with a delicious iced mocha, and Luke had an avocado toastie and a long black. It's very cool there, so pretty and SUPER dog friendly, so of course Benji came with us. He even stopped in a group of people until they patted him, haha. He knows he's a celebrity. Luke and I also did a colour walk, which was very good. We each picked a colour out of a hat and had about 40 minutes to take photos of things of that colour and then meet back at home. Luke has an advantage that he can walk further and not get tired, but I still did okay! We made it into a competition, and I won, woo!!

I've also been hitting over 5k steps most of this month and a few 10Ks in there too! So my fitness is definitely getting better. Changing my exercise has helped immensely with not getting PEM (it just means no more HIIT). I am doing my gentle morning exercises (basically just stretches) 4-5 times a week, my strength training + my added core & yoga poses twice a week, and once a week I pick a fun aerobics workout (either some YT one or weights on the walking pad). And I am averaging an hour walk outside a day with Benji. I am very determined to keep it up.

I had a dream the other night that someone tried to feed me rat meat in a sandwich, and just thinking about it makes me want to throw up, YUCK! I looked it up, and apparently, it can mean that you think someone is being deceitful to you in your waking life. I can't think of anyone, haha, but it was a disgusting dream. I haven't been dreaming as much as I used to, and I think that's to do with the nervous system dysfunction, but it's good to know that dreams are slowly coming back. I wish I could lucid dream. Speaking of dreams, I am not sure what to do with my dream ebook I was working on. Should I make it in Canva and sell it as a digital book on my blog here? Or should I just make a blog post series about my dreams? I'm not sure what to do with it. It was meant to be a secret project, but I feel like I've left it too late, haha. Let me know what you'd like.

Oh, I also want to promote the vlog I made of Benji and Frankie's sleepover last week! We take Frankie a couple of days a week to help out Luke's brother while their parents are travelling in Europe.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfEjYHLSMz4